Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
