dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
