Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
