Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
