This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
