she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
