im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I did not marry a roomba.
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