I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
