it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
