just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
