Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
