I love black thongs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
