you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
