I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
