I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
