I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
