Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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