yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
