ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
