This girl is more easily done than said...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
