I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
