What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
