I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
