You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
