The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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