I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
