What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
