with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sober January is a disaster.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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