Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
