i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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