I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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