Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
