when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
