I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
