I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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