oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
well you can't waste a boner
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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