what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
