he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
