i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
