you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
