ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
