that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize