I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
