Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
