Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
