I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
