You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
