I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
