Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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