We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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