I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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