Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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