hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
