this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
